Observations from a Townee

Max D’Onofrio

More than the Fourth of July, Thanksgiving or Christmas, it is the month of August that brings the citizens of Laramie together.

Just before the aspens take their fall colors and the mountains are fit for exploring, the citizens prepare for the annual onslaught of returning college students.

Though many students may take Laramie as their new home during the summer, the arrival of the students back into this sleepy summer town is far from unnoticeable.

1. Traffic, traffic, traffic. Without a doubt traffic is the first noticeable change in the community.

As UW is not located in a downtown metropolis, those who don’t like to get their clothes online or at Walmart will have to travel at least 45 miles to find suitable garments. This results in almost every student bringing a car, adding several thousand automobiles to the already tarnished (which is putting it lightly) city roads.

Though the traffic is noticeable, the citizens could learn to handle the situation calmly if the city didn’t decide every year to shut down at least two major roads just as the students come back.

Though some say it is an annual practical joke by a streets department, which is past its prime; the closures that infuriate the locals and confuse the newbies every year just add to the hell that convinces some the change from cars to horses came too soon for this town.

2. Wally World. Without a mall, “Da Walmart” is the place to be. Whether it be school supplies or chips galore, the local mega store has everything that a family needs at prices that, let’s face it, cannot be beat.

These low prices, and the absence of a Target, make Walmart not only the place for locals, but the first stop for students who need to spruce up their new room and buy some cheap food.

More muttering about the “damn students” can be found in Walmart than anywhere else.  

It should be noted that the citizens of Laramie understand that they owe the livelihood of their town to the students. It is understood that without the university, and thus the students, this town would still be a one street light town that was bidding for the construction of a prison or mental institution.

Despite this silent acknowledgment, it doesn’t mean that Townees don’t have a right to complain about the annual influx of students that make lines long and parking lots packed.

3. Why so much noise?

Though the occasional stupid teen will take the opportunity to set off a firework a month before or after the Fourth of July, and Wyo Techers should be taught how to put a freakin’ muffler on their cars, UW students take the cake on the decibel meter.

Students can take a night of video games and Keystone Light to a level so loud that even their elderly neighbors with hearing aids are wondering where all the noise is coming from.

Just remember that many locals have been getting to bed at a decent hour for the last three months and when they come to your door at 3 a.m., the only reason they are grumpy is because you woke them up. They are done being in their 20s.

4. The biggest impact that students make is on the daily conversation of all locals. Be it at the grocery store, the hair salon or the dump, the one subject that beats the weather every time is chatting about the return of the college students.

“You notice the traffic this weekend? Students coming back a little earlier this year than I expected.”

“With the students back I can’t find a single three pronged converter anywhere in town.”

“ Remember not to go out for dinner this weekend, parents are bringing their kids into town and the restaurants are going to be packed.”

Be it only a few years or a lifetime, no Laramite misses the opportunity to chat with another local about the not-so-peculiar effects that the returning school year has on the city, and most wouldn’t know what to talk about if they didn’t have it.

5. As a local who has lived here since elementary school, the month of August in an opportunity for me to remind every person I meet that despite the fact that I go to UW, I am not a student, I am at Townee.

Be it the Thai place, city hall or Walmart, I take the opportunity to separate myself from those returning to the college.

I have been complaining about the returning college students since fifth grade, and I don’t plan to stop just because I go to school with them. Damn students.  

Who deserves to be arrested? Drunk drivers.

There’s no excuse for people who decide to drink and drive in this town. Those who do so needlessly endanger the lives of innocent people.

But, still, there are those who throw common sense out the window. They take the risk—not only of getting busted by Laramie’s finest—but also of killing themselves, other drivers, their passengers and pedestrians in their intoxicated attempt to get from point A to B.

Those drunk drivers who find themselves with flashing lights in their rear-view mirrors get exactly what’s coming to them when they are taken to jail.

Detainment is their just desserts for not only endangering others lives, but for not choosing other options for transportation.

Among the different options to get around during a night of drinking—at least during certain days of the week—is SafeRide.

The free shuttle service provided by ASUW operates on an on-call basis Thursday through Saturday night from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m.

Some may lament about having to wait for SafeRide to come and pick them up, but a little waiting beats the $750 fine typically handed out in Laramie Municipal Court for first-time DUI offenses.

The trick is to call ahead of time to get an idea of how long your wait might be.

A second option for safely getting around after consuming alcohol is bringing along a designated driver or having a sober person to call and pick you up.

Some may hate acting as a chauffeur to their drunken friends, but if you are willing to get drunk together, the least one of you can do is ensure the rest get home safely.

While lining out a ride may be embarrassing, most people are willing to lend a hand to make sure you don’t kill yourself or others.

For those who would rather not rely on someone else to drive their intoxicated-self around, there is the third option of riding a bike.

While riding a bicycle while under the influence is still illegal, it surely is a better option than bombing down Grand Avenue drunk in your car.

Being behind the handlebars of a bike is far safer than being behind the wheel of a car that weighs thousands of pounds.

If all else fails, drinkers always have the fourth and most time-tested human mode of transportation: walking.

This may be the most tiresome (especially when you’re drunk) method of travel, but it is preferable to a DUI, or even worse, smashing into other cars or people.

That, and Laramie is small enough that you can easily go from one end of town to the other on-foot.

In the end, drinking and driving is unnecessary. Those who drink and opt to get in their car and drive needlessly take the risk of being arrested while simultaneously endangering the lives of other innocent people.

So be smart and choose one of the transportation options available to you besides driving after consuming alcohol.

In doing so, you might just save the lives of other drivers, pedestrians, your passengers or even your own life.